A Journey to the Center of the Metaverse

by Sam Venis

This essay appears in Issue 3 of the Mars Review of Books. Visit the MRB store here.

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The Metaverse: And How It Will Revolutionize Everything

by Matthew Ball

Liveright, 336 pp., $30.00

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The first time I stepped inside a virtual world it was 2017 and I was surrounded by a group of college friends on my parents couch, with an Oculus Headset strapped to my face, watching a tall, blonde woman in white cotton panties strut in my direction and suck my virtual cock. It was so big. I was mesmerized. My friends all grabbed for the headset, one after the other, waiting to see for themselves what had each of us keeling over in laughter and hollering like school children. None of us wanted to give the headset to the next person. Each of us stole it right off the last one’s face. The friend who brought the headset gloated with a self-satisfied look that said, “I told you so.” I remember looking down at my firm six-pack as I was laid out on a white virtual couch, with a woman at my knees, and feeling genuine awe at the symmetry between the virtual world and the physical one. It didn’t matter that I was surrounded by six puerile dudes. I forgot them entirely. Some people lose their arms in battle and experience phantom limbs; I strapped a headset to my face and experienced phantom dick. All of us vowed to buy VR headsets for ourselves by the end of the night. I don’t think any of us did.